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Dealing With Difficult People, on 10th February
use this link.
http://www.vinehouse.co.uk/teleseminars3.htm
You’ll find out how to deal with a whole range difficult people including?
negative people,
bullies,
nit-pickers,
thick-skinned insensitive people
and much more.
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This week’s issue:
Problem With The In-Laws
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To add your comments and discuss the ideas in this email please go to my blog:
Last week I told you about a harrowing problem from a fellow reader. This week I have another one for you, not quite as harrowing, but still a problem for the lady concerned and rather embarrassing for me….
The Problem
We’ll call our correspondent Janet for the sake of anonymity.
Janet has a grandson. Quite understandably, she loves to go and look after her grandson and baby-sit for her daughter-in-law.
Though at first she got on extremely well with Sandra, her daughter-in-law, after a while relations became strained and she asked me for advice on how things could be resolved.
I asked what happened. (As usual I have changed a few of the details to keep it anonymous.)
The Incident
She went over to babysit and noticed that the washing had piled up rather so, as she was there anyway, she put a load of washing in. By the time Janet was home it was all done, ironed and put away.
Janet went berserk. She was insulted, furious and told her mother-in-law to mind her own business and only do the things she was asked to do.
There was a terrible phone call when Janet demanded to speak to Sandra’s husband. He went round to see if he could sort the problem out.
He failed.
There was a lot more to it than what I’ve put here, but I expect you get the picture.
How Embarrassing
As I read the email, I started to cringe. I remembered when my own mother-in-law had come to stay for the first time.
I was out for the day and when I came home things were different. Everything, including our bed and my underwear, had been ironed.
Things had been put away. I didn’t know where. Stuff had been made for tea. I could go on.
I felt insulted. Didn’t she think I could run my own house? I had lived on my own for over ten years, I knew what I was doing. And I never iron my knickers.
So I asked her not to do anything and just have a rest while she was here.
The Need To Be Useful
But the trouble was, she wasn’t happy. She felt useless because she wasn’t able to contribute. That hadn’t really occurred to me. So now I save up the jobs for her.
We have come to an understanding. She doesn’t do all those things round the house (particularly ironing the bed – it looked like a billiard table) or iron my knickers.
Instead, she does things that really help. I save up the ironing and, on Christmas day this year I had all the vegetables ready for her to peel and chop that morning. She always wakes up early on Christmas day so was delighted to have something to do. I was delighted not to have to do the sprouts.
This works really well for both of us (and no, I’m not renting her out, so don’t bother to ask).
Oh No! Am I Turning Into My Mother-in-Law?
Then something happened. I was watching one of my favourite sit-coms: The Big Bang Theory. Anyone who studied physics (or indeed any science subject) will probably like this reminder of their old socially incapable friends.
This episode featured one of the main characters, Sheldon, doing his laundry. He had a strange device for folding his clothes. He put them onto this piece of equipment that looked like several floor tiles loosely linked, and hey presto – they all came out folded the same size and looking like something out of Benetton.
I had to have one. (If you want one they are called Star Folders and you can find them on the web. I highly recommend them…) Now I can’t bear it if the towels and sheets in the linen cupboard aren’t correctly folded and filed. I’m hoping I’ll be able to resist the urge if my own daughter ever gets married…
Are You Denying Someone The Chance To Help?
I urge you to check if you are keeping everything to yourself and not letting others contribute somewhere in your life (work or home). Just yesterday I heard a doctor talking on the radio about out of hours services.
His point was that the government had dictated what those services should be and when they should be available. But these regulations did not suit all his patients, so he had developed a service that did suit his patients but did not comply with the government guidelines.
‘Why didn’t they involve us when they designed this system?’ He asked. Make sure you are involving the right people and remember to share the load.